Change is in the air. And if you have a high school senior in the house, that change is more significant than anything you may have experienced before in parenting. November 1st, the most prevalent early deadline for college applications, is less than a week away. If resident senior hasn’t submitted their applications yet, tensions might be peaking louder than the fall foliage outside.
If there is one thing I’ve learned in nine years of college advising, high schoolers vary widely in how they approach this process. To maintain control, many tackle their essay writing well ahead of time, carefully abiding by self-imposed due dates. Others, much to the chagrin of their parents (and me if they happen to be my client), delay the writing to the last minute, their creative juices flowing solely because DuPont University says it’s time to press submit. And just as you would suspect, parents also handle the stress of college applications and the impending change they represent in very different ways.
These seventeen-year-old planners and procrastinators share something in common: their college application process, especially their essays, belongs to them.
Having worked with hundreds of students and read thousands of essays, I’ve encountered a compelling variety of work. When I unveil the first draft, I’m always eager to read how a student presents their story on paper, how their words come together. By this point, I have a pretty good grasp of their skill level, having seen their transcripts, resumes, test scores, and email correspondence for the past year or two. So, just like a college admission officer who has most of that same information, backed up by letters of recommendation from teachers and others, I have a pretty good idea of what to expect, skill-wise. Not surprisingly, when I open draft one, expecting B-level seventeen-year-old work, but instead am greeted with a perfectly polished piece, complete with double-spaced sentences and forty-something-ish adjectives, it’s pretty clear whose work I’m reading. I’m calling baloney. Or, to borrow a term from an even earlier generation, snooker.
This overtaking of student work is problematic on many fronts, starting with the fact that students must affirm their work is their own when they apply. What message are we sending to our kids? That it’s ok in this one instance since so much is on the line? How about the admission officer who is evaluating that essay? Do they view the student in better light suspecting a parent wrote that crafty piece of writing? But the most concerning aspect of parents stepping in to pinch-hit college essays is that it tells that child you don’t trust them to do the job without your help.
By all means, offer to brainstorm ideas. Ask if you can proof their work. And be generous with your opinion, especially so if they ask for it. The college application process may feel like a zero-sum game, but have faith - it’s not. Of course, parents are well-intentioned in their attempts to give their child the best shot possible or simply rescue the procrastinator, but let’s also recognize that you raised these soon-to-be college students to deserve your trust.